Okay guys.. I started blogging with the idea of being 100% transparent. I’ve been like 98% and the other 2% is NOT pretty. So let’s dig in shall we (sigh).
I have been having the shittiest couple weeks. My mental health has effected everything from my sleep to my appetite to my relationships. I’m pretty good at being self-aware about how I’m feeling but I’ve realized I’ haven’t been as good about how I’m making others feel.
Yes, dealing with depression is about you, but it’s also about the people who love you. It’s hard as hell to love other people when you’re struggling to love yourself! Some people cannot do it, but for me, I’m realizing today (literally as I’m writing this) that the best way we can love other people is to let them love us while we’re hurting… let that marinate.
I have two people that have consistently been in my corner throughout my battle with depression since 2014. My boyfriend & my best friend who is more of a sister to me than anything. I have completely shut them out over the last few weeks. I don’t answer their questions (especially when they ask what’s wrong because I honestly don’t want them to worry about me). I don’t check in with them as often as I should. I limit my conversations with them. Not only is this because I don’t want them to worry, it’s also because: My misery does not like company and, they both have SO much going on right now.
Truthfully, I need to make myself a priority. Life happens to everyone but it’s up to you to fight back!
So.. I have to start being honest with the people that love me (and those who read my blog). I have to tell them that I love and appreciate them but that I cannot be the person they once knew. I have to tell them that there are days when I REALLY just need to be with them because I know that they love me and I just need to feel their love without judgement and without interruption. I have to allow myself to be selfish!
We all have to be selfish sometimes. We’re entitled to! Especially when it comes to bettering yourself. So here’s what I’m going to focus on for the next 7 days.
- Praying 3x a day. (I’ve only really been praying at night.) When I wake up, when I take my lunch break, and before I go to sleep.
- Listening to a positive podcast on my way to work in the mornings (send me some ideas if you have good ones).
- Being honest with my sis during our morning check-ins
- Telling my boyfriend EXACTLY what I need.
- Making a set of 3 goals for the remainder of this year and 5 goals for 2020.
Are you praying? Are you purposely surrounding yourself with positive words? (Because your words are ultimately your thoughts) Are you being honest with your loved ones? Are you being honest with yourself? What are your goals going to be?
Until next time; Be YOU. Do YOU. LOVE YOU💜
P.S head over to theariellawan.com to get your #GirlPray and #GodEngineering items