If this is your first time reading my blog I’ll recap for you a little bit (but you should probably go back & read a couple previous posts 😉). Some important facts:
- I miscarried about 7 months ago.
- It led to depression (even though I tried to deny it).
- I’m in a transitional area of healing.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I want to talk about something very relevant to me right now, how to love someone with depression; specifically, your partner.
Let me start off by saying, I have a pretty amazing boyfriend. He’s passionate, he’s caring, he’s a place a refuge for me, & ultimately my best friend. Now, if you were to ask him how I felt, he’d probably disagree with almost everything I just said.
Depression has really taken a toll on not only me, but my relationship. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me unconditionally, I think it’s pretty safe to say that he doesn’t quite understand my love language right now. It’s not for lack of trying but truthfully, I’ve pushed him away a lot and I think he’s in a state of frustration. I’m sure he’s frustrated for many reasons but to sum it up I’d say he’s frustrated because he doesn’t know this version of me. It’s frustrating for me too. It’s hard for me to look in a mirror most days. I can no longer look into my own eyes without crying because I feel so broken and unfamiliar (but that WILL change. I’m declaring it).
So what do we do? How do we make it better? How do I express to him what my new love language is when I’m not even fully sure? How does he love someone who he doesn’t really know?
I really don’t have the answers but I know where to start.
- Be patient. As hard as it is to love someone who is depressed, imagine having to battle the depression.
- Be loving in your actions. A simple hug could change the whole vibe. Even when it seems like they’d rather be left alone. Trust me, silence is not always golden. Sometimes it’s a scream for help.
- Let them talk as much or as little as they want. Sometimes we just want a sounding board, sometimes we just need validation that it’s okay to feel everything and nothing at once, other times we need reassurance that things will get better.
- Now this one is the most important, so pay attention.. DON’T GIVE UP ON US! We’re already giving up on ourselves so we need our partners to be willing to give 99% on the days where we can only give our last little 1% (if that).
So if you love someone with depression (significant other, friend, family member, etc) just be mindful that they want to be the person you love but honey it is HARD AS HELL most days to even be the person we love.
Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜